Remembering Mama – August 14, 2015

Mama November 2011Three years ago today at 5:50 pm, my mama’s journey through dementias, Alzheimer’s Disease, and congestive heart failure ended.

With Mama’s death, like my daddy’s death almost 17 years ago, each anniversary seems like yesterday and forever at the same time.

But I’m thankful for the memories to help me try to cope with the permanent voids of their losses in my heart and in my life and I’m thankful for the hope that I’ll see them again whole and healed. 

I promised you and Daddy both that I’d be there. God’s willing and so am I. So even on the days when it feels like life is just unbearable torment I continue to put one foot in front of the other with God’s help, enduring, persevering, and continuing to grow in that faith and walking toward fulfilling that promise, even if it doesn’t look like it and nobody else can tell.

But you, Mama, and Daddy would know if you were here and you’ll know when I’m there. That’s often the only comfort I have these days. And maybe that’s all I need when I can see that comfort through the pain. I know it’s worth it because I watched you and Daddy and I learned from both of you.

So I’m remembering you publicly today, Mama, just like I do privately every day of my life. I love you. I’ll see you soon.

7 thoughts on “Remembering Mama – August 14, 2015

  1. What a beautiful tribute to your Mother. The missing of your Mother never ends, I know. The death of one’s parents leaves a big hole in your heart that never seems to go away. But, God willing we will see them again one day in Heaven. God bless you. Loved the video and the pictures of your family, wonderful.

    • Thank you so much for your kind words and empathy. Losing moms and dads, I think, really is one of the hardest losses for kids. They were our lifelong anchors and suddenly its as though we’re adrift with no safe haven to go back to. At least that’s how it’s been for me. But they’re counting on me to keep my act together and keeping on keeping on until I no longer have to, so I’m doing my best to do just that without them.

      • Today was my Mother’s Birthday, so it is a bitter sweet day for me. Never seems to get any easier. My Mom was my anchor, my Father was a stinker and I do not mourn too much for him. Yep, keep on keeping on. God bless you.

  2. Because of inspiration from your video tribute to your Mother – I have finally gotten my tribute to my Mom done and posted on my blog, with much help from my intelligent daughter. Brings tears to my eyes to watch the video. Watching your tribute to your Mother brought tears to my eyes also. So hard to lose a Mother as you know. You and I had such wonderful Mothers and dementia took both of them. So very very sad.

    • Awesome, Liz…I can’t wait to see it. You know, the best way we can honor our moms’ legacies is by sharing them and sharing their stories before dementia and during dementia because we loved them and they loved us and we love them still. Even at the worst of Mama’s journey, I knew deep down that she would be appalled if she knew what she was doing and because I loved her and I knew her so well, it made me a more compassionate, empathetic, caring, and protective daughter to her and it has made me even more of all of those character traits as a person. So the pain wasn’t wasted for either of us. Big hugs!

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