In this last installment of chapter excerpts from the book You Oughta Know: Acknowledging, Recognizing, and Responding to the Steps in the Journey Through Dementias and Alzheimer’s Disease, we look at the last step in the journey through dementias and Alzheimer’s Disease.
This post includes an excerpt from chapter 15, which gives comprehensive information on how to walk the last step in the journey through dementias and Alzheimer’s Disease, which is the one that we’ll take alone without our loved ones: grief.
There is no right or wrong way to grieve. There is no time limit on grief. Grief is a process and the reality is that there will always be a hole in your heart when you lose a loved one.
Grief is also complex and complicated. We not only grieve for the loss of our loved ones, but we also grieve for all that intertwined their lives with ours because we recognize that part of our lives is over in this life.
And part of the grief process is sorting through those intertwined lives, the good, the bad, the ugly, as we reflect deeply on our time together.
Some people are able to stuff the hole of loss with busyness and lots of people and lots of things and it seems like they just picked up and moved on without blinking. They didn’t, but it looks that way.
Other people move through the process of scabbing the wound of the hole of loss more slowly, in spurts and stages that at times seem interminable and like they will never end. But it does and eventually, they find a way to move on as well.
You will find that the grieving process will tell you a lot about the people who are around you in your life.
And because death and grief necessitate one of life’s major reset phases, which includes a period of purging (not all on our part) – usually for the better, although it’s incredibly painful at the time – part of that reset phase extends to the people who are around us in our lives.
We find out who the people around us are and what we mean to them during this period.
And, although it may be sad and surprising, depending on our temperaments and personalities, many of those people will exit your life if you don’t meet their expectations and time limits on what acceptable grief looks like.
We have to accept that they were never there for the long haul to begin with.
A very small group of a few other people will hang in there with you every step of the way and beyond.
That’s your inner circle. Love them. Cherish them. And do the same and more for them as life happens to them. They’re not going anywhere. You’re not either.
This series begins with the forward to the book and an explanation of why I wrote this book and why you should read it.
The series continues with the inclusion of excerpts from Chapter 1, Chapter 2, Chapter 3, Chapter 4, Chapter 5, Chapter 6, Chapter 7, Chapter 8, Chapter 9, Chapter 10, Chapter 11, Chapter 12, Chapter 13, Chapter 14, and, with this post, Chapter 15.
The steps in the journey through dementias and Alzheimer’s Disease are presented sequentially in the order in which they actually appear in the course of these neurological diseases.
There are no other books that literally walk through each step in sequential order as they emerge in the journey through dementias and Alzheimer’s Disease.
Additionally, there is no other book that discusses:
- The process we as caregivers acknowledge each new step – there is an acceptance period that we have to go through
- The process we use to guide ourselves and our loved ones with dementias and Alzheimer’s Disease through the recognition phase of each step
- The concrete, loving, and practical information on how we should respond and how we can help guide our loved ones’ responses
These are the things that make You Oughta Know: Acknowledging, Recognizing, and Responding to the Steps in the Journey Through Dementias and Alzheimer’s Disease unique and stand alone in the plethora of books about dementias and Alzheimer’s Disease.
Excerpt “Chapter 15: ‘I Have a Lock of Hair and One-Half of My Heart’”
“Death and its aftermath is the last step of this journey through dementias and Alzheimer’s Disease and it is a step that we take without our loved ones.
It is often said that in these neurological and fatal diseases that we experience death twice. The first death is the loss of the loved ones we knew before these diseases. The second death is when our loved ones take their last breath.
If hospice is on board, the first phone call we make is to them. A nurse will come out and confirm death. Hospice will also contact the funeral home and will prepare the body for transport. This includes cleaning and dressing (I actually helped our hospice nurse with this).
When the people from the funeral home get there, they will make an appointment to come in and make burial arrangements (usually the next day) and they will take the body to the funeral home and start the embalming process.
Once the funeral home people leave, the hospice nurse will collect and destroy any remaining medications and there will be paperwork to sign both to confirm the medication disposal and to end hospice services.
It’s a flurry of activity that lasts several hours, and I personally found that to be just what I needed because the reality that Mom was gone was still sinking in.“
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