Grief is complex and complicated and no two people grieve the same way.
However, the more we’ve become connected in a 24/7 way through technology, the more we’ve become a shiny-happy-people (I am a huge R.E.M. fan, but this song annoyed me beyond words the first time I heard it and continues to do so now) society that focuses on the inane, on fluff, and on the ridiculous and real, palpable, tangible grief rains on that parade of lollipops, unicorns and butterflies.
As a result, it (and the grievers) are prime targets for some of the most judgmental, critical, harsh, and mean things that people can say and do to other people.
Better to grieve alone, in private, keeping the deepest secrets and pain in our souls to ourselves than to have the grief compounded by ignorance, attacks, and accusations.
Going Gentle Into That Good Night 
Very good post Sandra. We all do grieve differently and it often takes more time for one person to grieve than another. I have heard many unkind remarks about others as they grieve. Shame on anyone who does not understand grief. I shed my tears in private and seldom have unkind remarks throw my way. I defend those that are shattered by grief, because grief often overwhelms those going through loss.
Thank you, Liz. I’m in the process right now of writing – slowly – a book on the history of death in the western world (influences and societal changes) that have changed the way we deal with – or, more accurately, don’t deal with – death and dying, especially in U.S.
Much of our pollyanish view of life in general has emerged because we have soaked up a culture that preaches “don’t worry, be happy” and too many of us have drunk the Kool Aid of this message so that an entire part of emotional lives, which is God-given, has been suppressed, ridiculed, attacked, criticized, and shamed, so that we don’t process it and grow from it. It’s a sad commentary on who we’ve become.
Thanks for reading and commenting. I appreciate it.
Yes, that don’t worry, be happy is the main theme to the lives of the younger spoiled generation. Good luck on your book.
Sadly, it’s not just Millennials, but the majority of society that has adopted the “don’t worry, be happy” mantra for life. I’m out of step with my generation (Gen X) in that regard and always have been, but the Boomers and those from the generation right before that who are on the younger end (you should read “The Fourth Turning” by William Strauss and Neil Howe – lot of insights into the cycles of four generational archetypes and their period – turning – throughout the last couple of centuries – very, very accurate and gives a big picture into how humans and their times turn) have adopted this as well. It’s just the way our world has gone and it won’t get better, in my opinion.